How To Meet a Mensch in a City of Bulls and Bears

Living and looking for love in a big city, you experience it all - from the last-minute no shows and late night booty calls to the slick double bookers.

At a certain point you start wondering to yourself "Is it too much to ask for a stand-up guy?" The type of mensch who does not flirt with his Blackberry or the waitress on dates, one who knows better than to make you schlep to his side of town every time you make plans for dinner.

While finding quality in a city of millions is never easy, somewhere between all the bulls and bears, a nice Jewish guy awaits. You just have to know where and how to find him.

Here are a few tips to help you get started:

  1. Be Sure to Set Your Own Standards: God knows everyone has an opinion but chances are your 96 year old grandmother has no clue what matters to you. While input from friends and relatives can be constructive, make sure not to put your own expectations on hold to satisfy everyone else's.

  2. Acknowledge the Warning Signs: Last minute cancellations, little white lies, booty calls and the over-your-shoulder glances. When it comes to weeding out the good from the bad there are always smoke signals before the fire. So trust your gut and go with what feels right to you!

  3. Search Beyond Urban Limits: Away from the bright lights and loud noises, a whole new pool of qualified candidates exists and no, they are not all small-minded mama's boys. If you put aside that big city attitude and start leveraging the power of, you never know who you might meet in a neighboring town!

  4. Embrace Your Community: Jewish charities, temples and recreation centers have come a long way since your mother was a Hadassah volunteer. In fact, many have launched new programs and chapters for 20, 30 and 40 plus singles that are attracting waves of independent urban professionals. Why put the kibosh on those benefit balls or organized missions to Israel when you can be enjoying them?

  5. Don't Discount the Quality of Kosher: Just because a man abstains from sausage does not mean he is a weak link. There is plenty of good (and fun) to be found with those Kippa boys, if you would just give them the time of day. The moral is not to skip over someone's profile or dismiss their potential because you share different traditions or religious beliefs.

  6. Remember to Talk to Strangers: Your parents may have warned otherwise, but according to the Torah this one's a Mitzvah! You should never be too proud to send that first note or too shy to strike up a conversation when you spot a hot guy, it may be a blessing in disguise.

Good guys do exist. You probably just haven't considered dating them. Here's hoping these tips help you change your perspective and lead you to a proper mensch!

By Sherri Langburt of for


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